The Big Fat Indian Weddings

My two sisters got married in the last one and a half years and the weddings gave me valuable insights into urban middle/upper class marriages in our country. In this post I will try to highlight what according to me is good and bad about the 'Big Fat Indian Weddings'. I will focus on the celebrations only, and not on what happens at the time of match-making or after the marriage (that's a long story in itself).

First the positives. The best part about the entire event is the coming together of the extended family that takes place, specially if the celebrations are spread over a period of 3-4 days or more. The atmosphere that is created in the house -- where the jijas and the saalis, the dewars and the bhabhis, the mamas and the bhanjis, and the chachas and the bhatijas, all engage in witty conversations and leg pulling of a unique kind -- is something, that cannot be experienced in any other setting. Add to this the small small telas (rituals) that are performed during the course of the celebrations, each one demanding the presence of a different relative (bhai, bhabhi, jija, mama, dewar etc.), which keep the interest levels high beside providing fodder for humorous comments and hilarious anecdotes. The very frequent breaks for yummy food and even better manuhar where all the pyar is poured in that one extra poori that the behna is serving, make the occasion even more memorable. It won't be wrong to say that the real wedding takes place over the course of these 3-4 days; what happens on 'The Day' is more of a mela.

To sum it all up in one sentence, the best part about an Indian wedding is the expression of the 2 most crucial pillars of our society -- 'parivar' and 'parampara', that takes place in a fun filled and joyous atmosphere.

Now is the turn of negatives. The thing that annoys me the most is the whole lot of len-den that takes place during a wedding. Let me hasten to add, if all of it happens wishfully without the footer 'yeh to karna hi hota hai', then its fine; but as soon as the slightest element of expectation (on the taker's part) and/or compulsion (on the giver's part) creeps in, then it completely disillusions me. Basic reasoning is enough to establish that a lot of len-den that takes place between the ladkiwalas and the ladkawalas in a wedding is based on the old assumption that 'a girl child is inferior'; otherwise the parents who give their beloved daughter in a marriage, would not have been expected to accompany that with material things for the ladkawalas. Despite the 'girl child is inferior' syndrome being absent in many urban families, the len-den still continues. And remember, this is just one type of len-den. A lot of it happens within both families also.

Equally disheartening is a lot of dikhawa that is done to match/uphold people's perception about you, your status and your 'big heart'.

On a lighter note, another thing that I would like to see changing is the following -- most telas are performed blindly just because some elders have seen them happen since their childhood, without themselves ever understanding their relevance. Remember, we are living in the 21st century, the century of knowledge. Know the significance of the different rituals, follow the ones that are still relevant and pass the information on to the next generation. This will make the entire exercise more fruitful.

Because of my self-imposed limit on the length of my posts, I have just been able to mention the most profound goods and bads of urban Indian weddings. Though the bads have consumed more space in this article than the goods, I strongly believe that the goods still outweigh the bads, and that is why I am eagerly waiting for the next marriage in our family (that of one of my cousins, not me!!).